Slackin on the bloggin!

Ya, I know I haven’t yakked in awhile, but honestly, there is just too much going on. Plus, I hate blogging without pictures, but I let Shawn borrow my camera for his Israel trip, and now I can say my camera has been in Israel…maybe I’ll be able to set foot there one day.

The main thing going on right now is getting used to the” teaching world”, which is way different than any job I’ve ever done. It’s really a lot of fun, but I’m usually exhausted when I come home every day. Especially on days like today when I have been demonstrating jump roping tricks all day on a sprained ankle and bad knees. I feel old already at the age of 23! I have to laugh thinking about it because I look back and I NEVER EVER would have thought I would be teaching. First of all, I was always the “shy” one (until you get to know me) and I said I did NOT want to teach. Then, one day I said, I am just going to be different. No one at TCU knew me prior to college and no one at my new church knew me prior to then (except my family). I had to break out of my shell. Ya, I can still be quiet, in the “background”, and I usually don’t talk unless it’s necessary, but I’m at least 80% different. So, at school I started taking charge of group projects, acing speeches, teaching classes, and so on. I have always given credit to myself for “breaking out of my shell”, but I have to say, now I know and realize that the only credit goes to God for giving me confidence and boldness. I just want to be doing what I’m called to do, whether it be behind the scenes praying, teaching, singing, or anything else.

As I go through many Beth Moore bible studies, I realized many different strongholds that were holding me back from becoming who the Lord wants me to be. I have spent time in His Word and praying (which I need to continually do more). If I keep doing that, I will be at peace and enjoy glorifying God, which is what I was brought in this world to do. I love that we get a moment of silence my school (I wish they would actually pray, but that’s another subject) so I can always remember, no matter how busy I am, to thank him for another day and help me to glorify Him in all my words and actions. So lately I feel like I have stepped back from my life and I have been watching a video of the past and watching current situations in my life and watching other situations and relationships in my family and friends lives and I see similar things going on: “low times” of blindness of sin and the real reason why we are here (selfishness, pride, greediness, depression…..idols/things that replace God), “high times” of worshiping God with our lives (studying the Word, prayer, tithing, fellowshipping, enlightenment on strongholds), and then back to the low times. It’s a rollercoaster! I sit there and watch everything that has happened in my life and all I can say is ‘Wow, I was an idiot and blind at that time’, and ‘Man, that was a humbling time and God is really the only one there for me at all times’. I am learning about sin that is passed down from generation to generation, down to you and me. I am just amazed how uncreative Satan is in bringing us to his level and how we fall for it over and over again. I still do! I just want to keep seeing my life through God’s eyes and do his Will. I praise the Lord that He has answered my prayer in not letting me worry about anything. I really believe and trust and have faith that God will lead me where I need to be. I’m not worrying about if I will get a job teaching next year (even though I just got out of a meeting saying salaries and jobs will be cut this year), I’m not worrying about having my own family soon (I’m supposed to focus on making God before I am given anymore responsibilities), I’m not worrying about having perfect relationships with anyone (they all fail me, no matter who they are…..He has already started mending one relationship without my help), I’m not worrying about fixing other people’s problems (tell them to seek God), I’m not worrying about having no money ( I just cut up my credit card!!!) and so on and so forth. Sometimes, I just want to yell to myself and the whole world “God breathed life into you , just freakin live for Him & stop worrying about anything else,” but of course we’re all human and can’t quite get it right. If there’s anything I would want someone to pray about it’s not the details (even though God does care), it would be to help me live every day to the best of my ability until He gets here because I know that nothing else matters (job, food, fashion, presidents) but God. I have a hard time caring about school or being healthy or dealing with relationships because only God matters. But again, He gave me everything I have to be a good steward of everything (time, talents, friends, family, possessions, body- God’s temple) for the purpose of glorifying Him. I guess if I wanted anything written on my grave it would not be about me but something like, “Seek God and glorify Him in everything!”

Anywho, I just get excited that my eyes have been opened through God’s Word and prayer and people God has used….that everything will be done according to God’s Will and I need to just follow what he tells me to do with no worries. “Going with the flow” was always hard but it’s not so bad now. I can’t say it’s the same for teaching yet…need some experience first! I’m not saying life is easy now, but I know why things happen and Satan will do anything to keep me from glorifying God while I am here on earth. The hard part is knowing what HIS will in everything is. Watch out Satan, cause one day soon, you will be totally powerless and helpless and God will reign!

Lord Jesus, you rock! And I love you for who you are, for your purpose in giving us life, and for loving me enough to send your son to die for me and everyone else. What more could I ask for?
I also feel like I need to take a few minutes to thank some people in my life whether they read my blogs or not. I am not a person of many verbal words, but I do like to write my feeling (as you can see!). Even though I’m not a touchy, feely, talk about feelings person, I do thank God for everyone in my life, good and bad. The positive people keep me positive and the negative people keep me strong and on my toes ready to fight the devil off.

· God- You’re my purpose in living. Thank you for life on earth and eternal life with you.
· Family- For taking me into your family as a baby and raising me in a Godly home. We had and will still have rough times because of sin but you will always be my family and love me.
· Drew-For loving me & taking care of me no matter what. We may be an “opposites attract” story, but I admire your confidence, talent, knowledge, and love for me. I can’t wait until God grows us into a Godly couple.
· Whit, Shawn, Ethan, Elan- For taking me in as family and friend into your home. I enjoy watching God use yall. Not that I enjoy watching Satan attack, but that means God is really doing some cool stuff…that’s exciting. Whit, I admire your honesty and how you lay you struggles and life stories out for Ladies & others to learn from. Not many people can or will do that. You are a true friend. Plus I will always like our Starbucks/Sonic/DQ trips! Shawn, I love how much God uses you to teach me new things about Him. But I also like being able to hang out with you as a friend and brother. Movie nights are my fav!
· Church friends- For the fellowship, prayers, and close relationships with many. I love feeling like a part of a church family. That’s how God intends us to live with support and love.
I really could go on, but I’m tired of typing & your’e tired of reading. The next thing coming up is a Vacation Bible School preview Sunday at church! Exciting times! Later!!!!